Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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