Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
