i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You pole danced in your parka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
