wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
