so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
