brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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