The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
