DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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