Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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