I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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