you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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