So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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