Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
