I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
