We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
