everyone is single if you try hard enough
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
