saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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