It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
