Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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