yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
