I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
