I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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