the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
