I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
