Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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