Your dad touched me again.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i love accidental penises.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
