I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
