Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
