The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
