i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
