READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
