textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
