Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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