My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
