This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
