You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
