ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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