I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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