i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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