You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
