The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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