addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
