Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
