Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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