evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He passed out mid-signature
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
