Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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