Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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