Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
