i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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