Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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