Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
