ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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