at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
