Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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