Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
