May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
