Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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