no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
high people should be assigned attendants
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize