I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love you. Go after that dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
