Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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