Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
