just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
