She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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