now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
