How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
