I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
