i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
