RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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