My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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