My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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