Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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