i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
