dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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