you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
