I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
