So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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