Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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