i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
