are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize