You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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