we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
