i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Randomize
