he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize