i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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