um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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