Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can text with my tongue
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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