i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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