I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
