I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
