i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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