And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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