this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
