the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
