He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
