would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
