As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pants are for mortals
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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