you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
