I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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