Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
