I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
