I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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