i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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