Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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