You're my little dorito
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
