i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
