It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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