Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
